


The Art Within These Eyes.

by Kori_Miraju



Category: D.N. Angel
Genre: Abuse, Adulthood, Alternate Universe, Birthday, Drama, Flashbacks, If Satoshi had grown up without care or love, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Magic, Mental Instability, Passion, Possession, Submissive Love, Supernatural Elements, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Violence, daily life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 00:51:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kori_Miraju/pseuds/Kori_Miraju
Summary: Satoshi starts his day as he normally does. Alone.Now a young adult, he lives as he wishes, thinks as he wishes, and remembers as he wishes.He remembers it all.He can't run from it. He won't run from it. And that is more than evident for the world to see.You can see it in his eyes.Happy Birthday, Satoshi.Warning: Referenced Rape/Non-con but no graphic description of it.





	The Art Within These Eyes.

“Happy birthday. I guess…” The blue haired boy spoke in a less than enthusiastic tone to himself as he gazed at the bathroom mirror. God he looked like shit today. Felt like it too.

 _Another day to trudge through._ That was the first thought he had before the next one sparked in his mind.

_Another day leads to another night._

The boy reached over the counter to his phone. He quickly typed out a brief message and hit send.

_Another night..._

Satoshi loved the night.

 

**_Flash back to the night before his fourteenth birthday._ **

Satoshi sat on his bed on top of the covers, several books strewn about on the mattress that was far too big for just him. It had come with the apartment when he had moved in a few months before so he didn't complain. The bed was too much though. For just him. He sighed heavily, flipping a page in the book closest to him even though he wasn't really reading it. Satoshi already often dealt with insomnia but the idea of turning fourteen and releasing an ancient curse wasn't helping. Even with the books, the night was dragging by slower than usual. Tick by painful tick. Satoshi imagined the ticking. He heard it along with his heartbeat thumping away the seconds. The boy prodded a sharp fingernail into his palm.

He had prepared for this day for years. He hoped it was enough.

_Tomorrow._

_Tomorrow he will be a part of me._

_Tomorrow._

The boy pursed his lips as he constantly found his eyes wandering to look at the digital clock on his nightstand. The screen showed a bright 11:59 and then suddenly transitioned to a bright and ominous 0:00.

Reset.

A new start. A new day. This day, he was fourteen.

_Keep control._

The boy looked at the clock once more before flipping the book near him closed and laying down to try to go to sleep.

0:01

_Today._

 

        **_Flash forward to the present._ **

Satoshi let out a sigh. God he looked like shit. His hair a tousled mess, his skin oily, his mouth sticky and clammy. He always looked and felt like this first thing in the morning.

It was eleven AM.

The boy now prodded his face with his fingers, scratching out the sleepers from the corners of his eyes. This was his normal morning ritual. Satoshi rubbed his left check, squinting at the pressure on his jaw muscle before he lifted his palm and set it to his face, covering his entire left eye. His left eye only.

He gazed at himself in the mirror a few more groggy seconds.

Normal.

Normal was boring.

Satoshi snickered at the reflection. 

With careless desire he turned on the bath water in the tub right next to him.

The boy didn’t need to strip. He slept naked.

 

          **_Flashback to an evening when he was nine._ **

The police commissioner, his adoptive father, came into his room and threw down a thick book upon his desk as he studied.

"I checked your reports from your college classes." The man’s voice reeked of anger. “You flunked one of your last tests.”

Satoshi looked up from the notebook he was writing calculus theorems in, his blue eyes only showing half of his disinterest as the frames of his glasses concealed the other half.

“It doesn’t matter. That class is useless to me.”

“USELESS?!" The police commissioner screamed, wrenching the boy up from his seat with both hands. The sound of a chair hitting the ground mixed with the noise of Satoshi's scream and whimper, a large hand cutting off his airway before he was flung to the ground.  "You fucking piece of shit! You do not fail!"

The man set upon him like a wolf, cracking the young boy’s head repeatedly on the ground even as he once more choked him.

Once. Twice. Thrice. The pain resounded like a gong through his skull, clashing his teeth together and unsetting his jaw. 

_Idiot._

_What good is this doing?_

Smashing his head in would only possibly make him dumber in the long run.

Satoshi's body was starting to feel numb from the lack of oxygen. 

“You’re a Hiwatari now! You're my son! You worthless shit!” The man spat, saliva spewing across the boy's discoloring face. "And you will fucking pass this class, Satoshi!"

Everything looked spotted as the nine-year-old opened his eyes after the man had finally relented. The hands around his neck gone, Satoshi breathed in a sudden gasping breath and coughed, twisting and curling into himself as he pulled in his knees to protect himself from another possible onslaught. With an arrogant snarl the police commissioner left the room, slamming the door behind him as he left the boy once again alone.

 _He must have been in a hurry tonight._  Satoshi thought as he laid there a while longer. Normally he would have beaten the boy far worse and for far longer. 

The boy picked himself up weakly after a bit, using the now overturned chair as a brace until he finally made it to his feet wobbling. His blue eyes gazed at the book the man had thrown down in front of him when he first came in. It was the textbook for the class he couldn’t give a damn about. What did his adoptive father want him to do with it? Read it? All in one night?

_Idiot._

His adoptive father had told him that he had been considered a young genius when he was growing up as well. Not quite as much of a genius as Satoshi was though.

Not even close.

_You're just jealous._

 

           **_Flash forward to the present._ **

Satoshi took a deep breath and pushed himself under, his arms outstretched on the sides of the tub to keep him down. He closed his eyes by reflex as he felt the water smack his cheekbones. He kept them close though. Everything looked hazy underwater anyways. Nothing special to admire about that.

The water was warm and comforting, a weird feeling to the boy. It carried away all the grim from his body every morning, his normal morning ritual. Though this part he didn't do every morning.

Underwater. It was surprisingly pleasant. It always felt like it held him so comfortably and yet rejected him at the same time. Water was life sustaining. Almost.

Satoshi waited for it. 

A pain pulsed inside his chest after a short time, his body telling him to live.

_There it is._

He jerked his head a tad in rebuke, the movement swishing his blue hair gracefully across his face and ears. It sort of tickled. Satoshi held his breath for another few seconds, pushing his mind farther away, willing his body to not give in to the pang of suffocation.

Underwater.

Satoshi felt weightless.

And he felt dull as he breached the top of the bath with a loud steady inhale.

 

            **_Flashback to when he was sixteen._ **

Satoshi had already left highschool behind him again. No need to go back, nothing new to learn, nothing new to experience. Daisuke Niwa had asked to see him though. He wanted to chat, he had said. The redhead showed up to the meeting place in his school uniform. Satoshi wore casual pants and a button down shirt.

“I... I wanna know."

Satoshi tapped an impatient finger on his leg as the boy before him finally began to speak. Niwa had barely even acknowledged him when he had sat down at the table Satoshi had reached ten minutes before his old classmate had even showed.

"What did Krad do to you?” Daisuke asked in a hushed tone, gripping the coffee he had purchased from the cafe counter like he was trying to break the porcelain it sat in.

“What do you mean?” Satoshi shot back quickly, his impatience showing even though he was trying to hold it in. He didn't have a drink to sip on, he wasn't the one who wanted this meeting.

“You know…”

The redhead wasn’t breathing right and Satoshi watched his nervous inhales with amusement.

_Seriously?_

“I mean… Well… Your eye-”

“He raped me.” Satoshi spoke aloud in a normal voice, his countenance still completely calm.

Daisuke flinched and nearly spilled his coffee, his eyes quickly darting up from the floundering cup to around the cafe quickly to see if anyone had heard the blue haired boys casual remark.

Satoshi just smirked.

“Isn’t that what you want to hear?”

_Who gives a damn if the girl at the counter hears me?_

“Did…-” The redhead trembled. “Did he?”

“You’re surprised?”

The redhead opened his mouth but nothing came out.

“I’ve got the scar to prove it after all.” Satoshi pointed a finger to his face.

“So... he did do that to you.” Daisuke looked off to the side as he spoke this time.

_Pathetic._

“Niwa, cut the crap.” Satoshi blurted with obviously agitation this time, a weird emotion for him to actually express aloud. “Let's not play this game anymore. You called me here because you want to pity me.”

“What? No!” The redhead protested, nearly spilling his coffee again as he emotionally shot forward in his chair.

Satoshi just rolled his eyes. Daisuke really should have gotten his coffee in a to-go cup, stupid clutz.

“You called me here because you want to believe that I wasn't the one in control last year.” This time Satoshi leaned forward and set his hands flat on the table the two sat at. The two gazed at each other firm and true. “You’re here because you miss him.”

Daisuke shut his mouth.

“You called me here because you hate me.”

Daisuke’s nails began to scrap at the table's varnish, all ten of his finger pulled along the surface, scratch after scratch. The sight of it edged at Satoshi's mental stability. 

The boy felt his heart skip a beat. 

“I don’t-”

“Dark was a part of you.” Satoshi interjected, lifting his eyes once more back to the redhead's face and righting his body to exude control.

_Stop scraping at the table._

“You and he were partners. You miss him. And deep down inside you hate me for Dark’s banishment. That's the actual truth, isn’t it?”

Satoshi had had enough of this. 

“You hate looking at me.”

_Don’t pity me._

“Can you see it, Daisuke? Can you see the person you hate in these eyes?”

Satoshi took off his glasses and set them down before his old classmate. The redhead became motionless, his eyes captivated by the spectacles lying before him. Satoshi actually didn’t need them anymore. They were fake. They had been since his fourteenth birthday.

“Dark’s gone. He’s not coming back. I sealed him.”

_Farther._

“I destroyed him. Move on, Niwa.”

Daisuke gritted his teeth and balled his fists like he was about to punch the blue haired boy in the face. Satoshi inhaled heavily as he gazed down at the boys hands. Even he would admit that his emotions were a bit riled at the moment.

_Do it._

It would be pointless. Punching him here wouldn’t do a damn thing. The Black Wings would never be whole again. But what did he care? The curse for the Niwas was gone. Dark was gone.

Forever.

“Whats wrong, Daisuke? Do you really miss him that much? Or do you just miss the thrill of him?”

Without another word, the redhead stood and stormed out, leaving the tables he passed on his way out whispering in his wake.

Satoshi sighed, stealing a quick glance back at the scratches the boy had made. They were surprising deep.

A noise in his head made the boy quickly shut his eyes. It sounded like laughing. 

Satoshi slid out of his chair and asked for a to-go cup for the coffee Daisuke hadn't even touched. Coffee suddenly sounded good. 

The next night a note was left at a museum about thirty minutes away from his home.

It was signed from **Phantom Dark**.

Satoshi had to read it along side of all the losers that filled the police station.

_Stupid Niwa._

_I don’t care if you hate me._

 

            **_Flash forward to the present._ **

Satoshi wrapped a towel around his waist and exited the bathroom, his hair still occasionally dripping what felt like ice down his back. He hated the feeling, but he was too lazy to remove the towel and dry his hair some more. There were no walls outside of the bathroom. His apartment was a studio. Everything was connected, everything was open. Satoshi went straight for the fridge. He needed something to drink, his mouth still felt nasty and dry.

He was a bit hungover. There were five empty beer bottles in the recycle bin. He hadn't had anything better to do. 

Clear his throat.

Clear his mind.

The boy pulled out a sparkling water and closed the cooler back up. He wasn't particularly hungry yet and there was nothing in there that seemed appetizing. Mostly jars of condiments and sauces that were utterly useless unless he had some dish already made to go with them, which was rare. There were packs of instant curry in the pantry. Lunch.

Satoshi slumped himself on his couch as he twisted open the bottle cap, looking outside the apartment window at the bright sunny sky that looked more like a pale grey than a blue from the glare. The boy closed his eyes and opened his mouth to yawn. His jaw popped loudly, that happened fairly often. He was sure it got dislocated sometime in the past. When exactly that was though, he had no idea. Satoshi set the bottle down and grabbed up a book on the coffee table next to him, flipping it open the bookmark he had placed in it a week ago and had been to lazy to pick back up since. He had better things to do then read after all. Drinking was one of those things. 

 

        **_Flashback to when he was six._ **

His mother was screaming. Something about how Satoshi was smearing black paint with his hands all over the art piece she had been working on.

“I made it better.” Satoshi told the screaming lady as he held out his paint covered hands in front of him.

She didn’t like that.

His mother grabbed him up by the arm, drug him across the two bedroom apartment and flung him into his room that had no furniture except for a single worn out mattress. The boy smacked the floor sharply, crying out a tad before pulling in a sharp inhale at the pain. Some books were tossed into the room next. One nearly hit his head.

Satoshi picked himself up and wiped the paint off on his shirt. There was nothing else to wipe it on besides the blanket on his bed, but he didn't want to do that. He liked that blanket. It was warm. The boy leaned down after most of the paint was gone and picked up one of the books. It seemed as heavy as he was. 

He was six. He could already read and that kept him out of trouble and out of bothering his mother to let him out on days like this when she didn't want to look at him.

She rarely wanted to look at him.

Satoshi could still hear her wailing through the wall.

_Why are you crying? I made it better._

His mother was far from an elegant woman. Her light blue hair was long and constantly tangled, normally lain in a frizzy mess in front of her shoulders unless she was painting which then she wore it in a messy ponytail. She wore plain dresses and no jewelry. Her eyes were always swollen and droopy. 

_Plain is boring. Black is better._

Alone in the darkness the six-year-old studied. He couldn’t quite reach the light switch and he didn’t dare try to open the door to let any of the living room light in. The noise of him standing on his tiptoes, scratching on the wood to reach the door knob only agitated his mother more, so he read to the light of the world outside his bedroom window.

Satoshi’s eyesight got increasingly worse that year.

 

            **_Flash forward to the present._ **

Satoshi slipped on some sneakers. He was bored now and a walk down to the corner store might be nice, grab and snack or two if he felt like it. The boy stood in doorway of his apartment, snatching up an item in a small box to his right that he rarely ever left the house without nowadays.

An eyepatch.

It was white with stretchy string attached to every corner of the square. The fabric it was made out of was sturdy yet breathable. Satoshi liked this one best out of all the ones he had tried.

The boy slipped it over his ears and left eye without thought.

Going out with it on attracted less attention. No one wanted to ask why he was wearing one. They all just assumed they knew the answer.

Assumptions made life easier to bare.

The light of day hit his skin with surprising heat once he got to the city streets. It wasn't summer quite yet but it was almost there. Just a couple more weeks, the weather man had said a few days ago when the boy had left the TV on the local news for simple background noise. Satoshi didn't like the summer. Far to hot. He liked walking about the city in the winter. All the snow. All the colors blended together with it.

 

            **_Flashback to when Satoshi was ten._ **

“Satoshi! It’s beautiful!”

The police commissioner stood behind the blue haired boy as he worked, putting thought to reality, illusion to certainty, color to canvas. Brush in hand he swirled and dabbed, destroyed a perfectly clean landscape with oil and ink. And he did it so well. Everyone thought so. Just like the magazine editor who was interviewing him and his adoptive father at the moment.

“Satoshi! I love you, son!” The sweetness in the man’s voice was comical.

Large hands were calmly placed on the young boy’s shoulders as he sat upon the stool in his father's sunroom. The woman in the corner was writing down every noteworthy moment, plus probably a few lies to make her article sound more interesting when released. Satoshi turned his head to look at the man above him, he turned in the direction so the lady couldn't see his face.

Large hands on his shoulders. A touch of sincerity to others. A touch of authority to Satoshi.

_You bought me. I get it._

The fingers clamped down a tad harder. 

"You're a wonderful gift to me." The gentility made Satoshi sick. 

The man's eyes shot him a warning. 

"Thank you, father." The boy spoke, just loud enough so the lady could hear him.

The fingers relented and the hands patted him on the shoulders a couple times.  

Satoshi continued to paint. He continued to destroy. The adults went off into another room, his father had said something about showing her the view from one of the rooms upstairs. The only room Satoshi knew about that was upstairs was his fathers room. Satoshi painted a forest landscape that day, drizzled by rain. There was a sun shinning through in the corner though, it was a deep orange and red. He didn't like yellow suns. 

“Your father is right. You truly are a treasure, young boy.” The lady told him just before she left that day.

Satoshi smiled and so did his father. The compliment was meaningless just like his smile, but it was the right reaction and that was all that mattered. 

_Just assume you understand me now._

A little somber genius. That’s what the article was called when it came out in whatever magazine that lady worked for.

A poor soul, abandoned by his dead parents, taken in by a single man. A genius. An artist.

His adoptive father beat him the night of the article's release. Gave him a black eye and some bruises on his ribs.

The police commissioner said he didn’t want his son being called somber. He said it gave off an image of him being an inadequate father that couldn’t make his son happy.

The man never made him happy to begin with.

 

            **_Flash forward to the present._ **

Satoshi sat at his computer desk, a bag of chips to his right, some coffee drink to his left, eyepatch still on, typing away some code on his laptop. He had trained himself on how to code and hack back in his early teens. He had figured it would help him capture Dark somehow. A rather stupid idea now that he was thinking about it. He had learned most of what he needed to know within three months.

Genius.

He had taught himself a lot of useless stuff in order to prepare for Dark's capture. Hardly any of it had worked or had been relevant. The best thing he had done during that time was scour the blueprints of the many museums the city had so many times that he knew every vent, crawl space, hallway, service elevator, escape door, and emergency ladder each museum had by heart. That had come in handy. 

Satoshi let go of his mouse and turned over his wrist. He gazed at it firmly as he flexed his fingers. He looked at the muscles. He looked at the veins. He looked at the scars.

_This hand sealed Dark. This hand..._

The boy sighed and grabbed up the mouse once more. He did freelance IT work in his spare time though he didn't need the money. The time he had spent working for his father years ago pretty much made sure that he was set for life.

He continued to type. Numbers, letters, symbols all jumbled together to create something that was supposed to coincide with what everyone wanted to see.

_Make it look pretty._

 

           **_Flashback to when he was fifteen._ **

An attractive girl at highschool was pestering him. She kept asking him for his number telling him that they should go out and have some fun together sometime. Satoshi just ignored her though, told her that he didn't have time for something so stupid. The girl thought he was bluffing at first, told him not to be so stingy and that she would make it worth his while. But the second time he said it she knew he was serious. The girl then yelled at him for a few minutes straight, faking a sob and panic attack as she questioned and cussed and blubbered her way through her emotion tiraid that Satoshi was sure before had gotten her whatever she wanted. She finally ended it by calling him a fucking heartless bastard before she ran from him, ran back to the classroom to cry.

_Heartless bastard. That's probably accurate._

Satoshi got back to the classroom a half hour later. The girl sat at her desk in the corner, a throng of people around her. She was still wiping away sniffles.

“What the hell, Satoshi?” One of his classmates confronted him before he sat down in his chair. Satoshi didn’t know his name. “Why would you reject her like that?”

Satoshi watched a couple more boys surround him. He pushed his glasses up on his nose a tad, a dull exhale leaving his lips. 

“Because she’s stupid.”

“Fuck you man!” Another boy called out behind him and yanked Satoshi back from his shirt collar.

_She’s selfish._

Satoshi saw the boys start at him. They were all ready to tear him apart and all over some stupid girl. One boy kicked at him which met at his side underneath his ribs. Some girl screamed. Satoshi nearly doubled over at the contact, grabbing at his side in the sudden desire to protect his more vulnerable organs. Another hand dashed out and grabbed his shirt from the other side. He was swung towards whoever it was who now had a hold on him. Satoshi didn't know any of their names, he didn't care to either. Someone else tripped him backwards, a now rolling target amidst the obstacles of desks and chairs. 

_She’s using you._

Satoshi's face smacked something on the way down to the floor. It was the corner of a desk.

The boy laid still for a moment on the ground, sprawled out on his side. The adrenaline coursing through him was making him tremble. He felt something wet on his lip. He tasted blood and his cheek felt achy. 

The classroom went silent. The boy's backed off, each of them sneering at him before they turned away to pretend he didn't exist. 

_Feel better?_

Satoshi gathered himself up from the floor slowly, he didn’t look at anyone either as he did. From the corner of his eyes he could see some of the girls looking pitifully at him, almost like they felt sorry. Satoshi snickered.

_Look somewhere else, stupid._

Looking at people meant you acknowledge them. Acknowledged their beliefs, their emotions, their feelings,... their existence. Satoshi returned to his desk just before the bell rang. All the students returned to their seats like nothing had happened. The teacher called on Satoshi almost as soon as class started asking about his face. Satoshi didn't look at anyone. He just kept his eyes dead straight. The teacher waved the boy's silence off and ignored him until the end of class, then pulled him aside away from the others to tell him to go to the nurses office. He did as he was told.

The nurse was kind, she didn't even ask any questions as she dabbed an ointment on the corner of the boy's mouth, the corner that had dried blood on it. Satoshi would admit that did feel a little bad about how nice she was being towards him since he found no point in reciprocating the gesture. She was nice. But what did that really matter?

The lady told him that he didn’t have to hide it if he was being bullied. That the teachers were there to help. They all wanted to help him. 

Satoshi kept his eyes straight. 

Sure. They would all help him from behind a desk and in corners away from the other students.

 

      **_Flash forward to the present._ **

Satoshi started in his office chair a tad as he heard a noise at his front door. The mail had arrived. Papers and magazines were stuffed in the slot in his door, stuck there by the thickness they had combined. The boy stood up and walked over to the door. He grunted as he pulled the paper through, a couple small cards falling to the floor. He didn't pick them up.

Bills. Advertisements. A birthday card from his dentist. He was due for another appointment.

Satoshi held on to a couple envelopes and tossed the rest of the paper away before he sat back down at his desk.

There was a letter from the police office. He opened that one.

In the letter he was addressed as Commander. A meaningless title. Better than being called Satoshi Hiwatari though. He had given up that name years ago. 

He wasn't sure what his name really was now.

Satoshi. Just Satoshi. 

The boy read through the rest of the letter. There were small sentiments and well wishes from some people at the station. One signature though caught his eye. 

_Father?_

The police commissioner knew what day today was. The man had left him a voicemail a week back, had asked him if he wanted to go to dinner.

Satoshi called back and declined. He told him that he had plans.

It wasn't a lie.

His father sounded relieved when he told him no. So was Satoshi.

 

        **_Flashback to when he was fourteen._ **

Satoshi had been invited to a party. All the higher ups of the city were going to be there. The boy had put on his best suit and tie and walked into the ballroom alone. His father was already waiting for him, chatting with some old men as they all smoked their imported cigars. Satoshi paced himself, wandering around the edge of the room before finally strolling up to his father's side.

They stood out, his father and him.

Satoshi’s blue hair and cold eyes: the genetic inheritance of a Hikari.

His father’s young face and powerful presence: the self made Hiwatari name.

Men and women alike gathered around them quickly like crows, squawking like them too.

“My goodness, so this is your son, Hiwatari? He’s so handsome.”

“And a genius, I hear!”

“As well as an artist?”

“And now he’s serving under you assisting in the capture of that menace Dark?”

“How remarkable!”

“You took him in when he was orphaned? You are quite a kind man aren’t you, Mr. Hiwatari.”

“Please, please.” The police commissioner silenced the crowd, a hand raised in self serving modesty. “As you have said, Satoshi is a remarkable boy. I entrusted the entire operation of Dark’s capture in his care, that is how highly I think of my son.”

_Throwing me under the bus already, father? Couldn't it have waited until I got some hor d'oeuvres first?_

“Forgive my whisking him away so quickly but in honest, with how busy I’ve been recently, I haven't had the chance to spend any alone time with my son in quite a while. Would you excuse us?”

The crowd parted. Chuckles and whispers under everyone's breath.

With his father’s hand in the middle of his back, Satoshi was guided to the outdoors. Alone and secluded.

With his father’s hand covering his mouth, Satoshi screamed. A cigar being put out on his collarbone.

“How long are you going to continue making me look bad?” The man seethed, saliva spitting from his mouth and onto the boy’s face.

Satoshi tried to fall away from the pain. Tried to fall to his knees. He couldn’t. His father wouldn't let him.

“Capture Dark! That was all you have to do and yet…” The man wrenched the boy’s face back towards him when it lulled with a lack of coherence. He ground the cigar harder into the boy’s flesh as punishment. “You somehow continue to fail me, Satoshi!”

The blue haired boy was finally released and he shrunk to the ground like putty, huffing out his agony, his right hand grasping at the burn. The pain stung like a million needles. He was nearly crying.

“Straighten yourself up.” The man now ordered, tossing the remnants of the cigar with little care about where it landed on the patio around them. “Put your shirt and jacket back on right.”

The boy picked up the jacket he had dropped to his side in the event and pulled it to his chest, his arms and hands shaking.

_That’s the last time I let you fix my tie._

“Oh, and Satoshi,” The man turned back just before he reached the door leading back towards the party. “If you touch that burn at all while we’re here, I’ll make sure you’ll be out of work for a week with ‘sick leave’.”

Satoshi growled and choked away the pain as he put his jacket back on.

The fabric of his shirt rubbed at the wound all night. The tie and jacket covered up the blood.

Satoshi had several drinks that night.

 

            **_Flash forward to the present._ **

The boy slumped on the couch groaning, his head hurt a tad but it was slowly going away. Staring at a computer screen for hours on end was never pleasant, so instead he turned on the TV.

_Masochist._

There was some movie on. An action movie probably not suitable for kids. Nothing really was nowadays. The two actors on the screen were in a room together, yelling at each other. The man screamed about his job. The woman scream about the lack of interest the man had in her. 

_Stupid._

The two continued to fight, the lady walking away into the staged bedroom with a suitcase in hand. The man followed in after her, he only yelled at her even more now. She was crying. He was sweating. She packed her clothes. He grabbed the suitcase away from her and threw it to the floor.

"I love you!" The man yelled.

_Fake._

"Don't leave me, please." The man now begged.

 _Pitiful_ _._

Suddenly they weren’t fighting anymore. Suddenly the two actors were on the bed, tearing each others clothes off.

Satoshi watched with drawn eyes. His head hurt.

The sounds the actors made turned lewd. They heaved and huffed. They moaned and mewed. They cried and screamed. Two people. Bound in anger. Bound in love. But bound nonetheless.

The boy closed his eyes.

_Self care._

He reached a hand underneath his pants.

 

           **_Flashback to when he was seventeen._ **

“Daisuke, do you ever get tired of this?”

Riku was with him this time, they had walked into the coffee shop arm in arm and had purchased the same latte from the counter. Predictable.

“Tired of what?” Niwa asked with a wavering tone.

“Pretending to care about me?” Satoshi replied.

“Why do you think I’m pretending? I worry about you.” The redhead stared down into his coffee.

_Because that's the right place to look when trying not to sound like a pathetic lying bastard._

“I’ve always worried about you." Daisuke looked up at him, his face was full of fear. "Even when we were-.”

“Enemies?” Satoshi jumped in.

“Why do you say things like that?!” Riku spoke up in her boyfriend’s defense since Daisuke looked too ashamed to speak up himself. “Why would you call him that? We were all classmates! Hell, we could’ve been friends if you had actually tried to be nice to people back then! From where I’m sitting, you don’t deserve Daisuke’s friendship most of all!”

_Friendship?_

Satoshi chuckled inwardly.

Riku didn’t know the truth. Didn’t know the whole truth at least. Perhaps she knew about Dark. But what about him? What about the alter self that had lived inside him up until a half a year ago?

“Well Daisuke? Do you agree?” He shot directly at the redhead.

“I… I was just trying to help.”

Satoshi laughed out loud this time.

“You’re a real ass, Hiwatari!” Riku’s temper was starting to become annoying.

Satoshi's body twitched at the sound of his former last name being spat at him.

_Ignorant._

“It’s over, Daisuke.” Satoshi raised two fingers to the patch over his left eye. He could feel bile churning in his stomach again, just like that night. He hadn't quite yet gotten used to feeling of the patch, actually he wasn't even really sure he liked this one. It was black. 

“I’m sorry.” The redhead whispered.

Satoshi wasn't sure who Daisuke was saying that to. The redheads eye's danced to everything around them so it was almost impossible to tell, but if it was aimed at him it was pitifully delivered. 

_He's really that scared of me?_

“Why do you continue to do this?” Satoshi asked, trying more of to get the redhead to actually look at him than berate him. It was common courtesy after all to look at the person speaking to you.

“Please, Satoshi.” Riku softened her tone since Daisuke's hand had clutched the female's just before she began to speak. They both now wore a pitiful look on their faces.

Riku felt pity. Pity for Daisuke.

Daisuke felt pity. Pity for him. 

“He really is sorry. Can’t you let this go?”

Womanly warmth? There wasn't even a chance that that would work on him. His mother had thrown books at his head. 

“Stupid Niwa.” Satoshi scoffed, sliding out of his chair.

The conversation was over.

“You’re the one who can't let go.”

He never heard from Daisuke again after that.

 

          **_Flash forward to the present._ **

Satoshi let a long puff of smoke fill his lungs from the cigarette still in lips as he stood out on his balcony. The sun was setting. The colors in the sky looked mellow and happy, teaming with grace and elegance. The colors didn't hurt his eye so Satoshi stared as directly into the sun as he could manage. He wondered if it was true that staring at the sun for too long would make you go blind. 

_Happy Birthday._

Another long drag pulled the cigarette down to half finished.

The tip burned yellow. Then it burned red. Bright red. Brighter red. Then black.

_Ladies and gentlemen: Art._

He was a Hikari after all.

The nicotine made him feel lightheaded. 

 

           **_Flashback to when he was seventeen._ **

Satoshi stood facing Daisuke on top of the city’s new museum that had been built by the city, and in part by his father, to celebrate Dark's capture two years before. The day "Dark" came back was the day the museum oppened. Satoshi's father was livid for the week after. The two stared each other down like there were in some wild west shootout. Daisuke wore a black skin tight suit, an outfit Satoshi was pretty sure he had seen before. It was something that Dark had worn on one of his heists. Satoshi just wore his casual slacks and a shirt that had two long rips in the back from where white wings were protruding out from. The wings stretched out quite a few feet to both sides, they bent and curved at different places, the white feathers shimmied like leaves in the wind. Satoshi was in control. At least at the moment. 

“It ends now, Satoshi!” Niwa yelled at him.

The boy couldn't move. The magic symbol Satoshi had inadvertently stepped on was keeping him immobilized.

He knew this day had been coming. Daisuke had been stealing in Dark's name for almost two years now. He stole magical artifacts. He stole several tomes and books. Old tomes and books. 

A voice was yelling at the boy in his head. He didn't like that voice. He hated the noise of it. That noise was the reason he had barely slept in three years. 

_Just do it, Daisuke._

The redhead spoke some unknown word. 

Thick red bonds shot up from the corners of the symbol. Satoshi suddenly felt a power sparking through him like electric shocks. He had felt that pain before. It was a last ditch effort the monster inside him was making to try and escape. Satoshi had felt pain his whole life. The monster inside him would have to try better than that to make him fully transform. 

The cords wrapped around the boy’s wrists, around his legs, around his neck, around his arms and waist tearing any fabric the power came in contact with. 

Satoshi jerked at the touch, the ends of the magic cords were stabbing into his skin. They were going to drain him. 

The boy felt four more cords shoot up around his white wings. Satoshi sucked in a panicked breath just before the cords began to pull.  

He screamed louder than he had ever screamed in his life. 

The wings on his back were being forcefully ripped from him. The boy heard a cracking. It was the wings separating from his bones and skin. Satoshi was certain his spine was breaking in multiple places too.

Inch by excruciating Inch the wings were torn from him. He felt his skin peeling off, his lungs shifting with the stretched muscles, his whole upper body from the waist to his neck felt like it was no longer was attached to him. it was all just unconscious writhing against the cords that held him, the bonds that refused him almost any movement. 

The symbol below glowed brightly and Satoshi felt the draining of the power within him begin. He twisted and kicked as his life was leeched from him. But he had no way out. No way that he was going to allow. The monster inside was going to leave him through his blood. That's what Daisuke wanted.

Another tug, another crack and the wings were a quarter ways torn off. The boy's vision sparked.

One more red cord shot out from the symbol just at Daisuke's feet. This one went straight for Satoshi's face, to be more specific, his left eye. This red power didn’t stab, it melded. It fused with his iris, coating it with an energy and stealing away the magic there that had previously been his one and only outward tell tale sign that there was a monster deep within.

A heat consumed the boy’s face, radiating till Satoshi believed his flesh was being burned off. The pain in his entire body was incomprehensible. 

He forced his head heavenwards, trying to get away from it all. 

_Do I deserve this?_

The cords tying him down glowed, a sign that the removal was still in process. The cord around his neck asphyxiated him and he momentarily prayed that it would somehow slit his throat.

Another pull. Another crack of his spine. His whole body went limp for a moment. 

Satoshi nearly vomited. 

The voice in his head yelled at him. Commanded him to let him out completely. Told him to surrender. Told him to die.

Satoshi forced a smile to his seizing face.

_Just finish this already._

He was beyond lightheaded. Everything swirled. Even the sight of Daisuke's pained face watching him was a glossy fuzz. There might have been tears whelming in his eyes. Only god, if there was such a being, would see them though, his head and eyes strained towards the heavens. 

Another crack.

Satoshi really did vomit this time. The boy choked on the bile caught in his esophagus, the bonds around his neck squeezing him tightly with his face lifted upwards. The boy squirmed in a panic and threw his whole body forwards, his face yielding to the ground as vomit covered the concrete at his feet. 

He found himself unable to take a breath back in.

The bonds kept pulling.

Satoshi momentarily wished it would all stop. That someone would save him. 

One more pull. All the way off this time. 

Tears were non-existent. The pain was too great for that. 

The wings were gone, severed from his body by shear brute force. The boy's body lurched as they fell from him, the feathers that they were comprised of dissipating into thin air as though they were nothing more than an illusion. Two wide lines poured out blood from his back.

Satoshi still couldn't breath.

He heard a screaming in his head louder than he had ever heard before. That voice. That sound.

Another couple seconds and the voice in his head died out. The cords vanished and Satoshi crumbled to the concrete, sprawled face down, his limbs tossed like a rag doll, blood ebbing from the holes that dotted his body. 

Satoshi was sure he passed out. When he looked around him next, he was on the ground somehow breathing, though very weakly. 

“Its over.” Satoshi heard hesitantly whispered next to his ear.

Daisuke sat on his knees beside him, trembling.

_What’s over?_

The boy could barely even groan with the heaves of his chest. He rolled slowly over onto his back and looked up, lying in a small pool of his own blood. The wounds felt like they were still on fire. Burning to sear the flesh back together. His vision was almost black.

_Do I… need glasses again?_

The redhead placed a hand on the boy's arm, looking at him with a pittiful expression. 

“Your- Your eye!” Daisuke suddenly gasped.

Satoshi didn’t want to know. He didn’t care. He wanted to pass out again.

"That-!" The redhead sputtered, looking up and down the boy for a moment and then back to his face. "That's not right! Are you-...! Can you see-...?!"

Satoshi's head spun. Whatever his old classmate was stammering about... Whatever Niwa thought... Fuck it... 

His head and body hurt too much to give a damn.

“I…! I was just trying to save you! Dark told me... He told me what Krad did to you!”

_I told you. He raped me._

“He told me what would happen to you eventually!”

_Over and over._

"I just wanted to-...!"

_Day after day._

And each time the monster took over a little more of his body.

_Breath._

“I…!” Daisuke’s voice sounded angry now. “I had to! You were losing control!”

_Control._

_I was losing control._

_So you decided to take it._

The boy looked up at the hazy black sky above him and blinked a few times.

Something was off.

Satoshi weakly raised his hand and put it over the left side of his face.

A tear fell down Daisuke’s cheek.

 

          **_Flash forward to the present._ **

Satoshi gazed over at his vibrating mobile on the coffee table. The screen showed a memo.

_Time to get ready._

The boy rolled off the couch he had been resting on for a spell and scrambled slowly to his feet. His body felt droopy but he needed to change now. There was no specific attire he had to wear but he preferred something of more distinguished tastes over that of his normal around the house wear. Satoshi peeled off his shirt and slipped off his pants. Stark naked he stood still for a moment, the chill of the air conditioning unit causing a couple goosebumps to appear on his arms. 

Satoshi looked at himself in the tall standing mirror next to his dresser. The light of day was gone. The lights from the city outside his uncovered window caught his silhouette.

All the scars. The long flaws on his chest. The round punctures on his legs and arms. The two straight lines down his back. The burn mark on his collar bone. The hidden crack underneath his hair.

Satoshi sighed and twisted open his right forearm.

The four horizontal cuts on his wrist. 

A clapping noise caught the boys attention as he looked back at the TV he had left on as he rested. Some girl was walking down a fashion runway in a dress that made her look like some new breed of dinosaur with how many spikes it had on it.

Spikes and bubbles.

_Art._

Edges and curves.

_Art._

Frills and waves.

_Art._

It was all art.

The cameras were popping.

Satoshi smiled.

“Now flash!” 

The boy laughed alone.

          **_Flashback to a night he heard his mother sobbing. Age 6_ **

“That’s not art. That’s disgusting!” The boy heard through the wall of his room. “You’re a Hikari! A fucking Hikari you piece of shit!”

Satoshi wondered who she was talking to.

_You're plain. You're boring._

           **_Flashback to the day he graduated high school. Age 9_ **

His adoptive father didn't show up. He was helping the police out on an important case. The first day Satoshi had felt happy in a while.

_Happiness is relative._

The school principal kept apologizing for the absent man.

            **_Flashback to the night Dark committed his first theft. Age 14_ **

“As the last member of my clan, I must capture you and put an end to this.” Satoshi barely gave thought to the words coming out of his mouth. Handcuffs were already placed on the criminal and his weight pinned the thief to the floor.

_Just get this over with._

            **_Flashback to the morning his adoptive father came to pick him up and take him home. Age 7_ **

Satoshi sat in the back seat of the man's car, a blank sketchbook in his lap and graphite pencils in his hand.

“You’re a Hiwatari now. But that doesn't mean you can escape your destiny.”

“My destiny?” The boy was honestly confused.

“You’re going to capture Dark.”

_Dark?_

           **_Flashback to the day he came home from school and found his mother dead in the living room. Age 6.5_ **

Several bottles of empty pills laid on the carpet in front of her.

_I should go read._

Two days after that, he told the policeman at the station near his home that he had run out of leftovers in the fridge.

        **_Flashback to the day his father told him he wanted him move out on his own. Age 13_**

"I don't have time to act like I take care of you."

Satoshi wasn't sure what he was supposed to be feeling.

"Be my good son and tell everyone you didn't want to weigh me down anymore."

_I never weighed you down._

           **_Flashback to the day he sealed Dark. Age 15_ **

Daisuke was begging him to give him back.

“Tell me now!” The redhead screamed, his hand outstretched, holding the mirror Dark was sealed inside of, Wiz transformed into solid black wings on the redhead's back. “Please, Satoshi!”

_You can’t erase the past._

            **_Flashback to the night he first heard that hedonistic voice cackling inside his head. Age 14_ **

_Repress me._

_**Flashback to the day his high school class wrote profanities in black sharpie all over his desk and chair. Age 15**_

_Isolate_ _me._

            **_Flashback to the day his adoptive father brought him to a press conference to inaugurate him into the police force. Age 13_ **

_Stage me._         

           ** _Flashback to the day he stood upon the roof of the art gallery across from his apartment, looking out at a grey colorless landscape, paintbrush and_** ** _exact-o ** _knife in hand. Age 18_ ** _ **

_Create me._

**_Flashback to the night he would never forget. Age 14_ **

_Happy birthday._

Alone in the dark Satoshi laid in his bed. Alone in his room. Alone in his apartment.

The boy laid on his bed naked, the covers thrown aside without care.

Satoshi saw a shimmering light in the darkness. A brilliant white with gold trim. He saw a man with wings.

He saw an angel.

He felt an angel fuck him into a screaming ecstasy.

_Release me._

            **_Flashback to a morning he would never forget. Age 14_ **

_Happy birthday._

Satoshi wrapped a blanket around himself before going to look at himself in the bathroom mirror. His body felt shaken and sore.

His bare feet froze as he stepped onto the bathroom tile.

Satoshi gasped.

_No..._

Satoshi cried.

_Not this way..._

Satoshi laughed.

There in his reflection his left eye had turned a bright gold.

_Break me._

_**Now Flash.**_

           _Who are you?_

          ** _Again._**

    _I’m you._

            ** _Again._**

           _And who am I?_

            **_Again._**

          _You’re art._

            **_Again._**

            _That’s all you’ve ever been._

 

 

**_Now. No more flashes. No more reminiscing. None of it matters anymore. None of it._ **

 

 

Satoshi winced as the blinding light of a oncoming car momentarily blinded him. He stood in front of his high rise apartment building, dressed in all black except for the white eyepatch dressing the left side of his face. His normal evening attire. The boy looked up at the digital clock on the building across the street. The building was an art gallery.

9:00 PM.

The car he had messaged for earlier that morning pulled up in front of him.

Right on time.

Satoshi hopped in, not speaking a word to the driver even though he saw him on a regular basis. He never wanted to say a word to anyone he didn’t have to. Less chance of compromise that way. The car quickly took him away. Away from his apartment, away from the streets he normally walked, onto the highway and down the road at heightened speed. Satoshi popped back a few pills he had in his pocket. He could swallow them without any water. Easier that way. What they were he couldn’t remember anymore. Not like it mattered.

They made him feel more alive. More at ease. 

The boy grinned.

Satoshi lulled in the rhythm of the highway, closing his eyes and letting his head droop for the near hour it would take to reach the other part of town, the part of town that was brighter, colors everywhere, on every sign, every street, every person.

They all blended together. None of it stood out.

Passed shopping malls, business centers, hospitals, restaurants, warehouses, parks and train stations they drove. Satoshi smiled wide. He had been waiting for this all day. They were getting closer.

The car finally pulled into a garage. Around and up a few floors and finally into a lift the vehicle drove so now they would be carried straight up. Satoshi opened his eyes just enough so he could see blips of the city gleam through bars of steel with each floor they rose in the massive elevator. 

Black mixed with color. That was better.

The car ascended to the heavens. The tallest building in the city.

Finally they came to a stop at the very top of the building, nothing but the dark gaping sky above them. The driver got out, walked around and opened the door Satoshi sat next to to let the boy silently escape. Just before he exited the car, Satoshi slipped off his eye patch, letting it fall to the car seat without care.

Satoshi took in a moment of relish at the home he stood in front of now. The home on top of this building. It was a mansion, probably not the biggest in the city, but there was much more worth to it than the size alone. There were a couple guards at the front door and they nodded the boy in. He didn't need an invitation anymore. Satoshi escorted himself into the entryway, up a flight of stairs, and then walked down a hall and into a large room mostly adorned in reds. Red carpet. Red drapes. Red chairs. Red lights.

Destination reached.

At the far end of the room, past pillars of gaudy marble stone, a man sat like a prince upon a throne draped in red, a long blonde ponytail curved to the man's waist, a single thick whimsical bang crossed his eye to the left, mixed with short layered cuts in front of his forehead. The man stared at the boy walking confidently towards him with a devilish smile.

Light skin, pale and pure, white spotless elegant clothes, gold jewelry that adorned almost every finger, and bright golden eyes beaming with pride undeserved. Satoshi’s employer since he was eighteen.

“I was hoping you would come tonight. I’ve missed you.” The man cooed once the boy got within about ten feet.

Satoshi didn’t acknowledge the remark, he just kept walking forward.

The man outstretched the back of his hand and Satoshi bent down to kiss it. He kissed gold. He kissed a cross with ruby gems in the center.

“Come here.” The man now ordered in a lustful tone, the hand the boy hadn't kissed curving a finger back and forth to symbolize his desire for the boy to be closer.

Satoshi obeyed willingly, taking one more step forward before he joined the man on the throne, comfortably straddling the man’s legs.

“Well now..." The man hummed playfully. "Look at you.”

Satoshi held eye contact with the man before him, that devilish smile only getting wider.

“It’s been too long.”

The man on the throne chuckled and rubbed his hands up Satoshi’s stiff arms, sighing in satisfaction as he did.

Satoshi's body tingled at the touch, his body felt weak, and his lips broke apart.

_Subdue me._

“This-.” The man started to say, his hands now up at Satoshi neck, kneading into the soft exposed skin. Slowly he let them fall down to the boy’s chest, stopping against the boy’s lean pectorals.

“All of this-”

Hands grazed down even farther, down his stomach, down to the blue haired boy’s pelvis. As did the blonde man's eyes.

“-is mine.” The voice ended with seduction, the words themselves enrapturing the two ears it fell upon as Satoshi tried to hide away his utter submission. 

Satoshi smiled genuinely. The first time he had in a while.

_Possess me._

The man’s hands rubbed the boy’s member through his pants and Satoshi couldn't help but push his hips forward as the man did, his eyes closing in a release of tension. Jeweled hands teased him. Jeweled hands messaged his length. Jeweled hands would hold him steady when the two fucked later on that night.

“The warning letter has been sent.” The man chuckled. Satoshi was sure he was chuckling more at the boy’s muffled moans than the words he had just spoke.

The manicured fingers at Satoshi’s groin lifted and came up to the boy's lips. With his eyes still closed, Satoshi felt a small round pill being fed to him. His plump lips and eager tongue accepted the gift, drawing it in and letting it fall down his throat without question. Satoshi exhaled lewdly after he had swallowed, wetting his lips before the man in seduction.

Jeweled hands gave him life. Jeweled hands gave him reason. Jeweled hands weaved themselves into smoothly combed locks of blue.

“Why are you so beautiful?” The man asked in a sensual whisper.

_Beautiful?_

Jeweled hands had held him tight on the rooftop of the art gallery across from his apartment as his veins bled out on the ground. 

"You're beautiful." The man had told him.

That was the first time Satoshi had believed anyone's words. 

The boy lifted his head, opening his eyes and letting his one blue iris bask in the sight of crystal chandeliers, jade statues, mounted picture frames, porcelain vases, silver swords and daggers, hand-blown glass sculptures, antique armor,...-

He closed his eyes again.

Satoshi's left eye was blind.

His left eye was pure white.

_Art._

_Art is beautiful._

_Art is beautiful because..._

_Because my classmate hated me, pitied me, and stole my eye._

_And I didn’t care._

_Because my mother wept and screamed that she wished she had never had me._

_And I didn’t care._

_Because the people my age scorned and rejected me._

_And I didn't care._

_Because my adoptive father abused and beat me._

_And I didn’t care._

_Because my ancestors created a monster that raped me as I slept._

_And I didn’t care._

Blood and tears.

_Art._

All of it.

The fingers in his hair twisted hard, pulling a small cry from the boy as his locks tangled around diamonds and pearls. Those bejeweled rings shoved him closer as the man locked lips upon his own. Sweet, poison sweet lips. Passion and possession mixed as one. It was easier this way. 

“Take flight, My Angel.”

_Angel._

“I will await your return.”

“As you wish, My Master.” Satoshi spoke with fearless resolve.

The boy slipped off the mans lap, giving him a small bow in respect. Before he had even taken a step, the man reached forward and locked one of his large hands in the boy’s, his two golden eyes softening in the contact he forced. The two stared for a short moment, Satoshi’s eye wandering from the man’s slightly pouting face down to his other bejeweled hand that was lying preciously over his heart, his fingers swirling lightly against the pure white fabric on his fiery chest.

_Art._

Satoshi smiled.

Even as he walked away, the man held onto him until there was no chance he could any longer without being pulled from his red throne.

_Limit me._

With steady steps Satoshi walked back to the car. The driver met him and opened the passenger door so the boy could slide in without having to lift a finger. The eyepatch was still there joined by a small card laid on the seat next to him, the name of a museum and a time written on the card in gold letters.

_Execute me._

His master was an art collector. And Satoshi was the one who collected it.

 

~.~.~. ❄ .~.~.~

 

**Author's Note:**

> This story came to me randomly while I was at work. Thankfully my dark muse, Seerin, refused to let me put it down and had me working on it nonstop for days after. 
> 
> Satoshi Hikari I adore you. All your pain and suffering. Your beautiful white wings. Your glorious deep blue eyes. 
> 
> DNAngel is an old ass anime now but it was one of the first I manga I ever read, so when I started randomly thinking about it again, I was delighted. I took elements from both the manga and the anime, plus obviously added in a bunch more of my own ideas that I felt gave this short story more impact. 
> 
> Thank you very much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Please feel free to leave me your comments and or kudos as they are always deeply appreciated. 
> 
> Forever Fractured. Forever Whole.  
> ~~.❄.~~  
> Scaythe Valentine


End file.
